Often when I ask couples whether they’ll be including personal vows for their ceremony their initial reaction is to say they would love to. However more often than not the problem they face is that they have trouble knowing where to start and how to convey it well on paper.
That’s why for this month’s blog I’ve asked Interfaith minister Kathryn Reynolds to take the reins with her topic on how to write wedding vows – enjoy.
‘The first couple I married who said their own personal vows told the congregation – they would love each other’s faces for the rest of their lives, even when they 
were full of wrinkles.
This couple now has three children and reaffirms their vows every year knowing that as their faces change, they still remember why they love each other – nice.
One of the great aspects of a secular marriage ceremony is the fact that vows can be chosen freely or created by the couple. Unlike couples that marry within a religious tradition secular marriage ceremonies enable the couple to express their love in any way they like.
Often the easiest way to do this is tell the one you love what you really see in them however in most instances saying “I love you” is not enough so I ask couples to create a folder of lyrics, pictures and poems and to write nouns that create a word picture of their beloved to help them get started.
Here are a few things to think about when starting to write your vows:
What made you fall in love?
What song or poem reminds you of your beloved?
What words best describe the feeling you have when you are alone with them?
And finally think about what you want to tell your beloved. What do you see in their heart? But mean every word you say.
Once you begin it will naturally start to flow but one thing perhaps you shouldn’t tell them is what you’re going to say before the ceremony, so they hear the words for the first time at the marriage and you make his or her heart crack open.
Guaranteed you will not only make your feelings known to everyone in the room. But you will also make everyone reach for their hanky.
Kathryn Reynolds, Interfaith Minister
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